Sleep of the Dead
by slytherinsela
Summary: A battle at Hogwarts, thousands gone... SS/HP, RL/SB, AD/MM, RW/HG, and DM/FW. Character death, book 5 spoilers
1. Morning

Oh, dear, I've finally done it. This is.. wow. I wrote the first chapter, just so you all could have a bit of a taste and see what you think, no?  
  
TITLE: Sleep of the Dead  
  
AUTHOR: Sela, carriet5@yahoo.com, AIM: slytherinsela  
  
ARCHIVE: fanfiction.net, ask and I'll tell :)  
  
RATING: PG-13 for now, will be more later.  
  
SPOILERS: For the 5th book, although Sirius is ALIVE, thank you kindly.   
  
ERM... I think that's all. Read if you're brave.  
  
~~***~~~  
  
Chapter 1: Morning  
  
~~***~~~  
  
Morning dawned, bright and cheery on a day in mid-July.   
  
The sun was shining, birds were chirping, and flowers were blooming. The grounds at Hogwarts looked beautiful, simply beautiful. Nothing marred their perfection..  
  
Except the bodies.  
  
If you ignored the bodies, you could pretend that life was normal. If you ignored the stench of death and blood, you could pretend that everything was fine.  
  
But the bodies could not be ignored. Even now, four days later, the dead and dying still lay prostrate on the ground, forever frozen in their unending doom. Rescue workers were everywhere, trying to save the living while they still had a chance. They hadn't even gotten to the dead yet.  
  
Severus Snape was one of the living. One of the lucky ones, if there were such a thing. After being hit with six Cruciatus curses simultaneously somewhere on the second day of fighting, he was dragged off the courtyard- now the battlefield- and taken to the hospital wing, where Poppy and a team of frantic mediwizards and mediwitches were working tirelessly to save lives.  
  
Snape hadn't returned to the battlefield. He was far too weak, far too lost to be of any use to the side of the light. Scars lined the pale, ivory skin, signs of the battles he had fought. Signs of the battles he had lost.   
  
And yes, Severus had lost. He had arrogantly assumed that he was invincible, that he would never be found out- and he had been wrong. Quite wrong. The only reason he was still alive was because of Harry Potter, then only sixteen and confused, who had valiantly stormed the Riddle House and had gotten him out of there.  
  
"Typical Gryffindor," Snape muttered to himself, as he stared out the window onto the field of bodies.  
  
Yes, the typical Gryffindor. But Snape owed that Gryffindor his life, and his sanity. Potter kept everybody sane. Potter was a hero.   
  
Severus had been half alive, covered in blood and sobbing, and Harry had picked him up and told him that he would be okay. Harry had saved his life.  
  
Merlin, how he hated that boy.  
  
Snape looked out the window again and sighed. How long had he been there? The battle had lasted three whole days, or so he was told. And it had been four days since the end..  
  
Six days, then? Why did it feel like weeks?  
  
Albus was alive. He hadn't even been injured, the crazy old baffoon. Severus swore that he must be immortal.  
  
Albus hadn't commanded the troops of students and aurors- that had been Harry's job- but he had still been fighting. Curse after curse, dodging, spinning, falling.. playing dead. The old man always did have a trick up his sleeve.  
  
Albus had come to visit him, once, a couple of days ago, maybe. He couldn't' really be sure- Severus had lost all concept of time.   
  
Albus had looked terrible. Worse that Severus had ever seen him. Enormous bags under his bloodshot and bleary eyes, moist with unshed tears. Lines on his face that most certainly hadn't been there before. Not even a hint of light in those once- sparkling eyes that had driven Severus so insane. No, the sparkle was long gone, now.  
  
Severus wondered if it would ever come back. Would he miss it, if those eyes always looked so sad?  
  
Albus had cried, too. Severus didn't remember ever seeing him cry before, yet he had, sitting there on Severus's bed, holding his hand gently.   
  
"Severus," he had said, "things.. didn't go exactly as we had hoped. Obviously."   
  
He had stopped there to blow his nose rather loudly, which usually would have made Snape wrinkle his nose in disgust.  
  
At the time, he couldn't even be bothered to care.   
  
"We lost a lot of people, Severus. Hagrid is gone; almost half of the Weasley family is gone. Bill and Charlie both died protecting their parents, and George.. well, I don't know how he died. But he's gone, now."  
  
Severus normally would have told the headmaster that he didn't care, that he was rambling. But these were not normal circumstances. All sense of normality had gone out the window at the first shout of 'Avada Kedavra.'   
  
"Filius, too, Severus," Albus had whispered. "Trelawney. Sinastra. We were hit hard," he had said desperately. "And the students.. it's too early to tell. There are still so many dead, Severus. They're all over the place. I don't even know how many of our students died."  
  
He had cried then, really cried, but Severus could do nothing. He was frozen, shut off, unfeeling. But he wanted to comfort Albus. He really did.  
  
Snape managed to pat Albus's hand a couple of times in what he hoped was a comforting manner before the headmaster had stopped sobbing.  
  
"Thank you, Severus," he had said, his voice broken with grief. Then he had turned and left the hospital wing.  
  
Severus hadn't seen him since.  
  
He knew that Minerva was alive, and so were Sprout, Lupin, and Black. Surprisingly enough, both Argus Filch and his revolting cat were still around, though Severus strongly suspected that they had been hiding out in the dungeons the whole time, away from the fighting. Cowards. Even if he was a squib, surely he could do something.   
  
Lupin had come back to Hogwarts last year to take over the defense post once again. After that devil woman, Umbridge, it had actually been quite refreshing to have a competent teacher filling the slot again, even if he was a werewolf.  
  
And, to Severus's mixed dismay and relief, Black had actually managed not to get himself killed. Some Unspeakable from the Department of Mysteries had found him lying unconscious on the floor next to that wretched veil several weeks after the end of term two years back. Severus had cursed his luck at the time, his belief in something as simple and final as death crushed, but had inwardly been a bit relieved. As much as he despised Black and thought him an ignorant fool, he was also quite useful at times and always good for a verbal spar. It would have been a shame to lose him permanently. And, at the very best, at least he didn't have to listen to the werewolf's sorrowful wails every minute of the day.   
  
Snape didn't know how long he had been sitting at the window. He had barely even registered lunch being placed in front of him, and then being taken back later, untouched and cold as ice.   
  
Severus supposed that he should eat, or maybe drink something, at least, but he couldn't bring himself to put forth the effort to lift a fork to his lips. He was mesmerized, grossly captivated, by the odd parade of floating dead bodies that seemed to be circling around the courtyard..  
  
When had it turned dark outside? Merlin, where was his mind? Where had the time gone?  
  
It seemed like only a couple of hours ago that they had graduated- that Harry and his friends had finally graduated.   
  
He knew that over a quarter of them now lay dead on the field in front of him.  
  
Their lives, so young and full of hope, ambition, potential.. they were gone. Forever. Even the survivors would never be the same. How could they, after all that had happened?  
  
"Severus?"  
  
Snape couldn't take his eyes from the bodies. Was that Longbottom?  
  
"Severus?"  
  
Yes, that was Longbottom.. and there was Finnegan. Thomas, perhaps, next to him?  
  
"SEVERUS."  
  
Parkinson, in her brand new Death Eater robes. They were filthy with dirt and blood, now..  
  
"SEVERUS!"  
  
Severus whirled around and looked into the eyes of a very familiar mediwitch.  
  
"Come on, Severus. To bed with you now."  
  
Bed? Already?  
  
"Come now, Severus, you've watched the day away. Yes now, up you go.."  
  
Severus felt soft pillows under his head and a warm blanket being tucked up under his chin.  
  
"Sleep well, Severus."  
  
Severus wished he could join the sleep of the dead.   
  
~~**~~ 


	2. Shades of Gray

~~**~~  
  
Shades of Gray  
  
~~**~~  
  
"Hello, Severus."  
  
The professor turned from his perch at the window to look into the wizened and weary blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore. He looked even worse than before, if that were possible. Like he hadn't slept in days.  
  
"Severus, it's.. bad. I told you that things didn't go as we had hoped."  
  
Severus turned back to the window and looked out on the blood-covered field.  
  
"We didn't win, Severus."  
  
Severus should have snorted. He should have had some sarcastic remark just on the tip of his tongue, one that would make even the bravest of his students flinch. But he didn't. He couldn't say a word.  
  
"We lost so many. Our students, Severus. Neville Longbottom, Seamus Finnegan, Dean Thomas, Lavender Brown, both of the Patils.. Cho Chang, both of the Creeveys.."  
  
Severus stopped listening when he realized that he already knew everything that Albus was telling him. He had seen all of their broken, bloodied bodies carried up to the school just that morning. He didn't need to hear the names in order to remember, in order to know who had died.  
  
He had already been witness to the whole disgusting affair.  
  
"But your Slytherins managed fairly well."  
  
Severus snapped back to attention. His Slytherins.. he hadn't seen any of them except for Parkinson. Had they done well?  
  
"We lost a few to the Death Eaters, of course. Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, Parkinson, Nott, and Avery. I'm fairly certain that Crabbe, Parkinson, and Avery are dead now, though."  
  
The Death Eaters. Severus had almost forgotten that there was a fate much worse than death.   
  
"Draco is alive."  
  
Severus's heart started pounding quickly in his chest. Draco, his little dragon.. alive? He was alive?  
  
Dumbledore managed a smile, even though Severus wasn't looking. "I thought you would be pleased," he murmured quietly.  
  
Severus wanted to nod. 'Pleased' didn't even begin to describe what he was feeling. Draco, his boy, his beloved godson.. alive?   
  
He had been so scared, so frightened for him. The last time Severus had seen him, he was running off into battle with Fred Weasley, his wand held high in defiance of the dark.   
  
"We found him off past the Whomping Willow with Fred Weasley and Hermione Granger. All three were unconscious, but alive."  
  
Granger was alive. Harry would be pleased.  
  
"He's been asking after you. We won't let anyone in yet, of course, but he wants to see you."  
  
Draco wanted to see him? He wanted to see Draco..  
  
"Just a few more days, Severus, and Poppy says that you can leave."  
  
Leave? Did he want to leave? This window was his home now. There were no windows in the dungeons.  
  
The dungeons had been his home for years, ever since he had first taken his job as potions professor. The dungeons were his territory, his sanctuary. They were the only place in which he allowed himself to feel at home and relax a little. Not that he ever really relaxed- there was still too much Slytherin in him to ever actually take down his guard. But the dungeons were the only place in which he actually felt human- in which he was glad to be alive.  
  
Did he really want to go back there, now? It seemed wrong to be so secluded, to not have the bright rays of the sun spilling through the window and lighting up his too-pale face. It seemed wrong to be alone when the dead still lay just outside the walls, untouched and, as of yet, unmourned. Some were even unrecognizable.   
  
Severus really didn't think that he could leave his window.   
  
A sigh. "They didn't win, either, Severus."  
  
They didn't win? A bloodbath, then, that was all that this was? So many had died for a mere bloodbath?  
  
"It was basically a draw. Nobody won. We were foolish to have expected this to be the end."  
  
Well, it was supposed to be the end. It should have been the end. It had seemed so simple- the Death Eaters were attacking Hogwarts. All of them. This would be the Final Battle- kill or be killed. Their side would win, or the Death Eaters would win. It would simply be a matter of who was left standing at the end.  
  
But it hadn't been simple. Hogwarts had been ready, had been prepared. They hadn't anticipated that the Death Eaters would be just as eager and ready to do battle. They had forgotten that the other side was preparing, too.   
  
Both sides had been fighting to the death. How had it ended in a draw?  
  
"We couldn't get to Voldemort, Severus."  
  
Oh. That was how. Getting to Voldemort had been the key to everything. Getting to Voldemort would have guaranteed them success.  
  
"There were too many Death Eaters protecting him. They obviously knew what we were aiming for."  
  
Of course they knew. Most of them were Slytherins, with minds specially crafted for strategy and tactics. It was common knowledge that the enemy would always try to get to the heart; to destroy the core of your plan. And the Death Eaters' core was Voldemort. They couldn't go on without him.   
  
"Voldemort is still alive. He managed to escape without serious injury, if I'm not mistaken."  
  
Merlin, all of those deaths.. for what? Was this really so pointless?  
  
"So, really, we're back where we started."  
  
Which was nowhere. They were absolutely nowhere, and down nearly half of their numbers, as well. How many were dead or injured? Thousands, or so it seemed. How many from the other side?  
  
The other side had lost just as many people, he couldn't forget. Both sides had been devastated in what was probably the most terrible battle ever fought on Hogwarts grounds. Would he ever be able to walk outside again without hearing the screaming of curses, the wails of the dying? Would he ever be able to leave the hospital wing again?  
  
Severus knew that he would. He would be strong, for everybody who no longer had a life to be strong with. He would keep fighting, because until this ended, there would only be more and more deaths. There would only be more bloodshed and tears until one side won.  
  
And there was no way in the world that Severus was going to let the other side win.  
  
Not because he was so loyal to the side of the light, but because he had seen what Voldemort was capable of. Had witnessed first-hand just how terrible Voldemort could really be. Had vowed his life and loyalty to Dumbledore in order to destroy the man who had ruined his life.  
  
Severus had joined as a spy. He had always been a spy. But he had touched the darkness; had reveled in it, at times. There was no way he could have made his way into Voldemort's inner circle without being cold, cutting, and ruthless. He had killed, tortured, raped.. all for the cause of the light.  
  
Severus had never fully recovered. How could he, when nobody else understood?  
  
Dumbledore had convinced himself that Severus had never been dark, that he had always been and would always be purely of the light. The rest of the world saw him as nothing but a Death Eater, something evil and cruel, unfeeling and not to be touched.  
  
No one understood that there was no such thing as black and white.   
  
There were only shades of gray. 


End file.
